Reconciliation

i've got "reconciled" with a former close friend, well, actually i had been a chaser of her since years ago. i blocked her the time i knew she'd got a b/f, who was also a close friend of mine and had another g/f at the same time. days ago i unblocked her from my msn contract list, so we can have a "normal" conversation. I blocked her partly because, just as she said, "out of sight, out of mind", i thought i need time to get myself to get it over.

"I thought we were not going to be friends again." she told me online, after i promised her i would welcome her at shanghai after i go to work in july, " I've never expected to get your welcome there."

"Well," She continued, "I'd like to tell you what i'd been longly want to say to you, since we are friends again...We had been friends for years, I didn't mean to hurt anyone. However, you and me, we are so different anyway, and you'd always been so kind to me, i could not say it out... In fact, i could feel it after the Changbaishan trip. but you told me you didn't want me to miss a better one -- girls wouldn't think this way. I think we missed each other when we considered each other are the best, and once missed, we'll never back again...You are definitly a good guy, you are the prince in many gals' mind. So, never lose a chance again, be confident, you are the best, even if you failed, you'll not feel regreted..."

I apprieciated for her sincere words. Although i did't make any senseful reply, i really felt, at this time, i can come to term with the facts.

I liked this girl, and now i know she liked me too, but i never took the first step, and missed the chance. However, if we were together, im still not sure of the future of us. I had some considerations at that time. First, we're different in many ways, in fact, i cannot understand her well, her style of dealling with stuffs. I might disagree on her in many ways. I don't want to force her to change her style, neither i wanted to change my thoughts. Second, I'd always dreaming a career in other cities, if she could go with me, Im sure she will have a tough life with meat the beginning, i don't want her to suffer. Or, I choose to stay here not to move, this is a really sweet surrender...

I am perfectionism, which makes conderations. these considerations make me hesitated, and hesitation prohibits me taking any action. This is a major weekness of my personality. And I consider her perfectionism too. Once, my high-school teacher, Ms Fu, said to me(she saw though my mind), she thought she(the girl) and i would have made a good couple, because she and i are both perfectionism. But perfectionism made us not being a couple, too.

I like the movie "Beyond the Clouds" very much, especially the first story. Because i find myself in that story.