Looking Forward

It was Winter Solstice yesterday, in which day, the day is the shortest in the year. In other word, days are becoming langer from today.

The "Winter Solstice" really means the arrival of winer, but i'd like to consider it as the sign of leaving, though it will become colder in the following days.

My great job-hunting era has gone, LOL, but the next era will not be any easier. However, i would like to torture Gorky's famous "Petrel".

"im looking forward for you coming", wrote My furture colleague, "well, me too", I replied.

Old Friend

I meat my deskmate yesterday, we haven't meat each other for 8 more years. and it's really amazing experience to meat an old friend.

She had been my deskmate for one semester, in the last year of my Junior middle. And she was my last female deskmate, hehehe. i'd totally lost contract with her since graduate from junior middle, so are most of my classmates.

She said i hadn't changed much, since she can easily recognized me. well so she had. the significant change from apperance is i ware a pair of glasses while she took them off. but inside, i don't know how much we've changed or matured.

FIFO - First In First Offer

i had a interview with huawei-3com the other day, at the second round, they asked me for desired working locations. and i told them i wanted a position in beijing. they answered there were no positions available in beijing left. and then, they regreted to tell me(or pretended to be regretful), coversation has came to it end. "we'll notify you if we have new position."

later did i hear that beijing offers have been given out before i got interviewed. well, when i heard this news, i could help saying "what the f***!", ( well, actually i said "wo kao" in chinese).

i guess there're quite lot computer engineers in huawei-3com, and they are very fond of the data structure called "queue", which is FIFO( First In First Out). and they modified it, applied it to their recruiment process, that is First In First Offer, hehehe.

To Sign or not to Sign

finally, i decided not to sign ZTE.

though they can provide a sound salary, working postion in shanghai and a beautiful promise of personal career.

ZTE is not my first choice, if i sign a contract with ZTE today, then, my be i'll break the contract because the involing of my dream company.

it'll be a hurt to both sides if the contract was reneged. i don't want to hurt any one, or being hurt by anyone. and if i don't sign, others might get chance to thier dreaming ZTE.

I found it more and more simliar between hunting a job and finding a g/f. --easy man get easy jobs. easy girls get laid by easy guys. hehehe

Killing me softly

In days of job hunting, it's often a nice thing to see new emails appears in email inbox. Even junk mails look less disgusting than they used to be. And emails form company you applied will make you really excited.

I got a incoming mail in the afternoon. Titled "Thank you from xxxxx!"("xxxxx" refered to a company i applied months ago). Ha, i must be a interview notification, I assummed. I could not help opening it. written in the email:

Dear Sir:
Thank you for giving us the opportunity to review your resume and qualification.

Not really, you are welcome, haha.

It is regretted that we have a very limited number of postings for which a large number of candidates are applying....

Aha, well

Your application has been reviewed along with other applicants. While we are impressed with your qualification, we can not offer you job with xxxxx.

So?

Please understand that this is not a negative evaluation of your accomplishment, but rather a reflection of our unique hiring needs.

Look, they are consoling me :(

Thank you very much for your interest with xxxxx. Wish you every success in locating a challenging career opportunity in the future.

What should I say, I guess i should only say, well, thank you, too.

Compromise?

Last Saturday, i was rejected by a local firm, get rejected in my first interview, it should be depressing. And more or less, I think I am depressed.

The first two rounds of interview was going on well, and i think those who gave me the interview was quite good at techniques. so i think in this way, i had like this firm someway. but in the third round, i was given a interview by a gal from their HR department. I think i was a little arrogant then, so i get rejected.

The most disaggreement was working location. i don't like Shenzhen, but the company was only supplying jobs their. i don't compromise, and actted arrogantly.

Anyway, I get some experience and i think i can do well next time. and i get depressed mostly because it was they rejected me, not I rejected them.

不可撤销

上周三终于结束了开题报告的答辩，这之前的一周多的准备累加上在这之后接近一周的喘息，回头看上一篇Blog已经是半个月之前的事情了，终于今天才有兴致上来，写一写Blog，廖表一点专业的精神，以致这个月的Blog不至于太过稀疏。

其 实也不是所有的研究生都这样的紧张，几个朋友的教研室都是可以非常轻松的通过开题的。甚至开题报告、答辩的slides也不用太多的准备。而我的开题报告 写了12000多字，还是不能让老板在数量上满意，不过数量并不能说明问题，至多代表着态度还算端正。Damn It!为什么当初选择这样一个实验室。选择其他的一个地方稳稳当当的毕业多好。不过我毕竟不是最郁闷的，比起那些题目基本上被否定的兄弟，我也算是没有太 多理由来抱怨了。而且，抱怨也是不能解决任何问题的。

曾经看过《不可撤销》那部电影，虽然里面充斥着暴力色情，使得这部电影在嘎纳放映的时候，影评人员没有坚持看完，不过这部电影所传达的就是事情就是一环扣一环的发展下来，无法撤销，无法去修改环环之间所做出的选择，也就是没处买后悔药。

人 的一生似乎可以完美的使用有限自动机来进行建模，每一个阶段，就是一个状态，状态之间的转移。从细粒度的模型出发，前一阶段我的状态可以描绘为 State:{opening report}然后，不久就会是State:{job hunting}了:)。还好还好，我们还能在状态转换的过程中提供一些选择的策略，避免宿命的发生。这样，一个明智的选择，会对将来的状态起到很大的影 响。举例来说，如果我当初没有选择哈尔滨工业大学，也许就不会在这里为开题报告犯愁了，hehehe。

不过做选择也是很痛苦的。这多少 是因为选择是“不可撤销”的，或者，乐观的一点，不是那么好撤销的:D。这就是为什么《Trainspotting》里面用非常厌烦的的语气来读这段工整 的排比句了“Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television....”。

马上要到来的job hunting状态让我有些紧张，也有一些无奈。我前几天还在劝慰一个同学要“放开眼光，毫不犹豫，不要后悔”，放在自己身上，这些话好像还真要多多思量。

Wise Up！

hat man die Fische, so vergisst man die Reusen.

Fischreusen sind da um der Fische willen;
hat man die Fische, so vergisst man die Reusen.

Hasenschlingen sind da um der Hasen willen;
hat man die Hasen, so vergisst man die Schlingen.

Worte sind da um der Gedanken willen;
hat man den Gedanken, so vergisst man die Worte.

Wo finde ich einen Menschen,
der die Worte vergisst,
auf dass ich mit ihm reden kann.

Second Name

The other day, When I was sending a book(The Spirit of Chinese People) as a gift to a professor of CMU, who was giving a lecture in HIT, He asked me to sign my English Name on it. After I sighed "John", he also wanted a second name, I said "I'm sorry I havn't got a second English name." If it had happend today, I'll sign my second name as Rock, yes, John Rock.

My Chinese name Yan means Rock, so that it comes naturally. Why havn't I thought out of that before?

Well, The Next section is a song, I Am A Rock, sorry for getting the lyrics only.

A winter's day
In a deep and dark December;
I am alone,
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

I've built walls,
A fortress deep and mighty,
That none may penetrate.
I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.
It's laughter and it's loving I disdain.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

Don't talk of love,
But I've heard the words before;
It's sleeping in my memory.
I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.
If I never loved I never would have cried.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

I have my books
And my poetry to protect me;
I am shielded in my armor,
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.
I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

And a rock feels no pain;
And an island never cries.

老板永远不会错

今天和导师讨论了关于开题的事情，发现，导师所想的和我所想的完全是两码事。导师的理解跟我的理解有很大的偏差。从我的角度上来看，导师的理解是不 全面、不准确的。我试图将我的想法讲给他听，结果却被否定。看来我前几天所做的工作全部都是去了意义。唉，为了毕业，只能如此。

不免联想起成功经理人讲座中，于老板的告诫：

老板永远不会错
如果发现老板错，一定是我看错
如果我没有看错，一定是因为我的错，才害老板犯错
即使是他自己的错，只要老板不承认有错，他就没错
如果老板不认错，我还坚持他有错，那就是我的错
总之，老板不会有错，这句话不会错

虽然罗嗦，但是重复会加深记忆，不是么？

这套不会错的模版倒是比较好用，我看到一个人做了一个简单的字符替换，将“老板”替换为“老婆”，将“他”替换为“她”。这样，一个新的不会错的告诫便产生了。

a box of chocolate

The Athens 2004 Olympics is over, China has won 32 Golds, which is a historical highest. Therefore, several days before, many maintained that China would win no more than 25, for China team fails on many of its superior games. We made mistakes on Gyms but we made breakthough on Athletic and Canoe.

On ther other hand, the US basketball dreamteam was suppposed to won the game. But their arrogant turned the gold into bronze.

"Life is like a box of chocolate, you never know what you will get", said Gump's Mom.

As far as myself concerned, I've been using Gmail for months, but got not invitations to others. Today, when I open my mail inbox, discovered there were 6 invitaions, and I got another 6 later on. what a box of chocolate! hehehe.

Coincident

Once a friend of mine told me his dicovery "Once you encounter something like words, concepts, names and etc. you would often encouter them again in a very short period." he thought it was very weird.

My explanation to him was "it is a kinda 'selective acceptance' of information". And both he and i was satisfied with this explanation.

Yesterday, when I was on a bus to my friend's home at 1pm, I saw two cars special. The first was a white enlengthened Linclon, the second was a Camro. Then, at 7pm, I was on a bus back home. I saw the both cars I encoutered in the afternoon.

What surprised most was not the two cars. I picked up a CD of Björk at an AV store. And when I was listening the her music, Björk appeared in the TV screen -- she sang for the Athens 2004 Opening.

So much coincidents in one day, I cannot explain it. It's weird!

Scary Game

These days, i have been immersing myself in the game "DOOM3 Reloaded". The game is nodoubt another triller by ID soft, costs them 4 years to complete it. With the most advaced graphic engine, the game takes the player to another world -- Mars on 2145.

Althougth playing at the lowest screen resolution and image quality, with all special effects turned off, and of course the easy game settings, I still found the game scary. Those creatures, monsters, infected staffs just show up beside you and attack you. However the most scary scenario for me is when i walk into a room, i saw nothing, but heard screamming from behind the wall, beneath the floor, I realized that they are everywhere but I just could see none.

I remember words from my philosophy teacher "what one fears most is not death but unknown things to him." But everyone seems to fear about death, then i speculate what we really fear could be the "when" and "how" of the death. Futher, just like Rumsfeld said, there are "known knows", "known unknows", "unkown knows" and "unknown unknows", I guess I should have refer to some Artifical Intelligence books on the "Epistemic Logic" topic to map those into real world.

hehehe, I'm getting too far away. Okey, Back to Doom. Then, I got some cheat codes. I input them in the console to turn the "God Mode" on. Then, I had no concern about the "how" and "when" of my death. All fears had gone, then I just striked upon them with great vengeance and fury, then they would know i was in "God" mod.

the making of "the angry youth"

Warning: This blog is restricted for language.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm glad to be here tonight. I'd like to make some announcements here tonight.

First of all, f*ck Pele! Pele, you should have shut the f*ck up before any match. Just like what you did in the 2002 world cup.

Secondly, f*ck Nakata! shame on you!, that's obviously a handball.

Thirdly, f*ck the referee, didn't you notice that? how could you using two standards toward the two teams in one match. you gave japs too many freekicks while you didn't give a shit at jap's foul.

F*ck LiYi, what a chance did you hava? you should have goaled. that's an one on one.

F*ck the jap assholes pretended to be injured to waste time after jap got the lead.

F*ck the people in the stadium, you should stop the bus, burn it and beat the all jap players.

F*ck all the japs, i'll hate you all from now on. i swear not to buy anything made in japan.

F*ck!

hehehe, then, am i qualified to be a cynic "angry youth" now? i guess i am.

偶像崇拜

高中班级聚会总是让人期待的，在聚会上总会见到老同学、老朋友、老情人、老情敌，等等，当然，还有老师。今天的雨并没有影响班机聚会的正常进行，据我的老师说，她刚刚探望了在哈尔滨的一位老朋友，然后便来到聚会的地点。我的老同学们，也在下班后，陆续赶来。

我所说的老师，她比我们大整整12岁，是指我的高中最后一年接替班任的语文老师，在她接手班级不久，便成为了班级中不少人的偶像。

她 给我的第一次深刻的印象，并不是其他人心中的“每天都会有不同的服饰”，而是她所教给我们的一堂课。那是普通的一堂语文课，对我来说，是一门极其 枯燥的课，突然，窗外骤雨降临。那是98年的骤雨，松花江的水面已经超过警戒水位，防洪是那个时候新闻的主题。这场雨让班级的所有人唏嘘不已，而且似乎都 有种旁观的感觉。也许心里都在想“这下可有热闹看了”，也有人将这个想法低声说出口。我记得当时许久老师没有说话，然后便批评了这种看热闹的想法，具体内 容我已经记不得，但是那种羞愧的感觉至今还让我无地自容。不久，老师带着几个同学去看望了抗洪官兵。这堂课，我从老师那里学到，人应该有那么一点点正义 感。

关于我的老师的过去，先写这么多，我也恐怕写多了，本篇就会彻彻底底的成为回忆我的老师的命题作文。

在许多人的 心中，老师是一位活得非常“滋润”的人，这种“滋润”当然是表现在多方面的。这几年的聚会，每一次见到老师，都会有人说老师变得更加年轻 漂亮了。这当然是“滋润”的最直接的外在体现。然而，在背后，老师似乎有更加滋润的生活。她有一位好丈夫，一个聪明懂事的儿子，一份不错的工作，和一个很 不错的人际关系……这一切都是为班里的同学津津乐道的。无疑，老师成为了班里面女同学的榜样和楷模，我的另一位老师也常跟我提起她很佩服，而甚至在高中毕 业前，男生中便流传着“娶妻应像韩杰梅”的口号。

聚会中，老师对我们说，“我感觉你们现在很好，很多东西都是未知的”。而我们对偶像的 崇拜，归根结底，都是因为她的那些已知。这些说到底，都是钱先 生的的“围城”的那个命题。我有时候在想，是谁修建的围城？如果去掉壁垒，那又是什么效果，却没有得出一个结论。不过，就事论事，拥有未知还是好的，因为 我的现有的已知都不能让自己满意，期待我余下的未知的求值结果。

香车美女

哈尔滨近两年的车展，我都会过去凑凑热闹。每次从车展归来都会有种怅然神伤的感觉，人问其所以然，答曰“香车美女，均与我绝缘，颇受刺激，因此神 伤”。得到的回应，一种是“面包会有的”式的劝慰，一种是“发什么神经?”式的反问，再者就是触动了对方这根同样敏感的神经，将这种神伤传染给对方。

“香 车”和“美女”都是奢侈生活的标志，两词联合使用想必威力更大。某种意义上来讲“香车美女”已经成为了奢侈生活的借代修辞，也更确切的成为了各地车展的主 题。香车+美女 已经足够可以吸引大批人的眼球，特别是与香车美女绝缘的人们的眼球，譬如本人的眼球。香车美女如此多娇，引无数英雄竞掏腰包。

车展中，衡量一辆车是否“香”的主要依据有二：第一就是里在车边上的标价牌上，从末尾0的个数（或者9,8,6的个数）中可以些许看出一二；第二，就是香车车旁边的美女到底有多美。无需倾国倾城，只需“倾展”便可以说明车有多“香”了。

然 而，就是在车展这种“与香车美女的临时亲密接触”的活动中，你也是不能完成你许多心愿的。香车外的一层护栏，已经清楚了告诫你游戏的规则“远观而 不可亵玩”。不过规则也有例外的时候，就是在你能像有一张VIP的胸卡的时候，也许可以坐到车里意淫一下该车的驾乘乐趣。美女也是如此，传闻中最大牌的模 特，当然也是车展中最昂贵的劳斯莱斯的模特，只在车展中出场了两天。而那两天是被定为“专业人士的参观时间”，对于专业的评定，取决于车展的票价。我等享 受30元门票的观众，则无缘看到这位“倾展”名模。

有人提出，香车美女走得如此亲近，这意味着汽车是一种“雄性动物”。看起来这是一个 不错的观点。无论是棱角的外观或者肌肉般的曲线，都体现着汽车的 雄性性状。不过，男人对车的喜爱，是否有意味着这有一些gay呢？答曰“非也”，得到的解释是汽车曾在性解放运动中所起到的关键作用，等等。醍醐灌顶。前 一阵，在CNN上看到一条消息:根据调查BMW的拥有者的性事更多，其次是奥迪，大众……最差的是保时捷。

以后如果买车，就买BMW的国产货了！

Le Peuple Migrateur

"Le Peuple Migrateur" is a splendid documentary movie. The movie is astonishingly beautify and sets peple thinking. It's a movie about life, it shows us how beautify and how persistent the life is. The English title of this movie is "Winged Migration" or "Travelling Birds", however, the actual meaning of the Frech words in the title should be "People Migrated" or maybe "Travelling People". I don't know wheather there is any metaphor behind that, but in my mind, I think in fact people do migrate a lot. At least, I've seen it a alot.

My uncle has migrated to Canada since the year 2002. Then, My aunt and my cousin moved to him the next year. My uncle was a manager of a company, he also worked in a language school here as a chief. but he could get a job in Canada as he'd got in China. His first jobs there was very phsyical ones, and he got exausted everyday. He is now working in a supermarket, in charge of some staffs, but I'm sure he is not happy about the work. Also, my aunt was an accountant here, but she is now working in a bread factory. and she is worrying about her sick father in Harbin everyday. I think they didn't get better life there, all they did is for their son. He'll grow up in a healthier envoriment, recieve a better education and probabley will lead a brighter future. A friend of mine has just left Harbin for Chongqing in Sunday. He was looking for some internships there. And after the intern, he would have slim change to remain in Harbin. He has a girlfriend in Harbin, who has already got a stable job teaching English in campus and probably wouldn't move into anther place during these years. Some sugeested him live in Harbin with his girl, however, he wanted a try away from home. I've no idea what they have planned or what the girl's concern. but I think it is always a sad thing for couples drifting apart. Anyhow, there're more oppcunities in other cities than in Harbin. C'est la vie. When you get something, you will get something to lose at the same time. A very cynic version is "everyone is destnated by his/her inital value -- wise and wealth given by parents". I also listed some pros and cons of hunting a job in larger citys with my friends. Still, the cons cannot stop me from going out, as it didn't stop the other people. because we'll never figure out how much it gains and how much it pains till we get it.